Care of the Husband’s Person

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The good husband guide.

On 8 April 2010 the London Review of Books reviewed a 14th Century Parisian book of household management called The Good Wife’s Guide: A Medieval Household Book.This is a compendium of medieval lore which aimed to instruct young wives how to be good, efficient, and obedient. The following is an excerpt from a section entitled “Care of the Husband’s Person”:

“Therefore love your husband’s person carefully. I entreat you to see that he has clean linen, for that is your domain, while the concerns and troubles of men are those outside affairs that they must handle, amidst coming and going, running here and there, in rain, wind, snow and hail, sometimes drenched, sometimes dry, now sweating, now shivering, ill-fed, ill-lodged, ill-shod and poorly rested. Yet nothing represents a hardship for him, because the thought of his wife’s good care for him on his return comforts him immensely. The ease, joys and pleasures he knows she will provide for him herself, or have done for him in his presence, cheer him: removing his shoes in front of a good fire, washing his feet, offering clean shoes, and socks, serving plenteous food and drink …. she puts him to sleep in white sheets and his nightcap, covered with good furs, and satisfies him with other joys and amusements, intimacies, loves and secrets about which I remain silent.”

With the above in mind let us now fast forward seven hundred years, noting the changed roles of husband and wife. This is the modern version:

Care of the Wife’s Person

Therefore love your wife’s person carefully. I entreat you, before you sit down to watch sport on television all day with a can of beer in hand, to see that she has clean underclothes, for the washing machine is your domain, as is the washing up and the making of the bed in the morning. The concerns and troubles of women are those outside affairs that they must handle, amidst taking the children to school, getting the car serviced, running here and there in rain, wind, snow and hail, sometimes drenched, sometimes dry, now sweating, now shivering, dealing with the bank, the mortgage and an unsympathetic boss, buying new shoes for the children and taking them to football practice, violin lessons and ballet; getting her facial, haircut and manicure and answering all the emails during her half hour lunch break.

Despite eating on the run, arranging all the social commitments and the visits of plumbers and electricians, nothing represents a hardship for her, because the thought of her husband’s good care for her on her return home comforts her immensely. The ease, joys and pleasures she knows he will provide for her cheer her: removing her shoes in front of a good fire, washing her feet, offering clean shoes, and socks, cooking plenteous food and pouring copious drink …. he puts her to sleep in white sheets, and, after he brings her a nice hot drink of cocoa and she has taken her anti-depressants, he tries to satisfy her with other joys and amusements, intimacies, loves and secrets, before she falls asleep exhausted. As to his feelings about all this I remain silent.

My comment: How did the author know about me and my wife?

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The Good Wife’s Guide: A Medieval Household Book is translated by Gina Greco and Christine Rose and published by Cornell, £16.95, March 2009, ISBN 978-0-8014-7474-3

Quote of the day

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“To those who abuse us for simply making polite requests to wear masks or to maintain social distance in hospitals or GP practices, to those who deny the existence of the pandemic or the science of vaccination, to those who issue death threats or incite violence against us, we say enough is enough.”
(Gill Walton, chief executive of the Royal College of Midwives)

Religion and our divided society

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From 1937 to 1998 church membership in the US remained relatively constant, hovering at about 70%. But over the past two decades, that percentage has dropped to less than 50%, the sharpest recorded decline in American history. Meanwhile the atheists, agnostics and those claiming no religion, have grown to represent a quarter of the population.

But if secularists hoped that declining religiosity would make for more rational politics, they are being disappointed. As Christianity’s hold has weakened, ideological intensity and fragmentation has risen. Now, what was once religious belief has turned into political belief, and political debate has morphed into political belief. Religion without religion.

Since the end of the Obama period debates over what it means to be American have become suffused with a fervor that would have been unimaginable in debates about what it meant to be Swedish or Belgian. “UnAmerican”is a common slur from both Right and Left, a charge akin to religious heresy. All strongly held ideologies are effectively faith-based; no human being can survive long without some ultimate loyalty, and if that loyalty doesn’t derive from traditional religion, it finds expression through secular commitment to nationalism, socialism or liberalism. Conservatives believe they are faithful to the American idea and that liberals are betraying it. Liberals believe exactly the opposite. Without an outside threat mutual antipathy grows.

My comment: Kindness, thoughtfulness, tolerance, consideration for others, honesty, integrity, good manners, generosity and a sense of humour – these are the hallmarks of of the lady and gentleman. They seem to be growing more rare by the day. Maybe church used to take the rough edges off the grumpy who believe all opponents are wicked? But maybe it really depends on upbringing and education.

A bleak picture of the happiness of youth

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The annual UK Youth Index set up by the Prince’s Trust earlier this year stated that young people’s happiness and confidence across a range of areas, from working life to mental and physical health should “ring alarm bells”. Wellbeing has fallen to the lowest level since 2009. The research, based on a survey of 2,194 respondents aged 16 to 25 revealed that three out of five felt stressed owing to jobs and money, while one in four felt “hopeless”, while a full half had experienced mental health problems. Young people are particularly disillusioned with the job market and future prospects. They are subject to unusual levels of redundancy and cancelation of contract. 54% said they were worried about their finances. Young women were particularly lack confidence and fear “not being good enough in general”.

Nick Stace, chief executive of the charity is quoted as saying, ”This is a generation rapidly losing faith in their ability to achieve their goals in life, who are increasingly wary of and disillusioned with the jobs market and at risk of leaving a wealth of untapped potential in their wake”. (Guardian Weekly 13/4/2018).

My comment: I am truly concerned for young people today. It is very tough for them. And yet….casting my own mind back to my youth I too (despite trying to hide it) lacked confidence. After multiple rejections of my CV and no explanations, my confidence tanked and I was fearful of unemployment, despite two years in the army and a good university result. I know what it’s like to be rejected. When I became an employer I swore to treat job applicants with respect, explain why they didn’t quite fit this particular job, and treat them like the vulnerable human beings they were. Are things more brutal nowadays, or just more competitive?

Phone conversations

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It seems that 75% of people with mobile phones value an actual phone conversation, but that 92% mainly use their phones for internet access. Long rambling phone calls are on the out, declining yearly. Extroverts prefer face-to-face conversations, which they find energising. Introverts, of which I am one, use the phone mainly for utilitarian purposes and generally don’t chat. It is the teenager who does, screening out the nagging Mum and grumpy Dad and the annoying brothers and sisters, and gossiping about the kids they have been with all day at school.

Now we are told that even teenagers are using text and the internet more, and long,rambling voice calls less.

My comment: We still have a landline, which probably identifies our approximate age. I don’t have a mobile at all (my wife does), mainly because I have better things to do than check the phone every 8 minutes.

Nowadays, if you are sent to a National Health hospital you can arrange to have all your health details available. Problem: the information is only sent to cellphones. Why? For alleged security reasons, although why anyone on Earth except a doctor would waste their time intercepting my health records I am puzzled to know Mind-boggling boring!