Some Dad jokes (well, anything for a change from politics).

These are jokes entered into the competition for best Dad jokes:

I once hired a limo but when it arrived, the guy driving it walked off!

I said “Excuse me? Are you not going to drive me?”

The guy told me that the price didn’t include a driver…

… so I’d spent £400 on a limo and have nothing to chauffeur it.


• Why did the man fall down the well? Because he didn’t see that well!

• What did the pirate say on his eightieth birthday? “Aye Matey!”

• Someone has glued my pack of cards together – I don’t know how to deal with it.

• What do you call a zombie who cooks stir fries? Dead man wok-ing

• I was wondering why the frisbee kept looking bigger and bigger, and then it hit me

• I was stood behind a customer at an ATM and he turned around and said “could you check my balance?” – so I pushed him. His balance wasn’t that great.

• Why did the scarecrow get an award? Because he was out standing in his field!

• What did the daddy buffalo say to his son when he left for work? Bison

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