A psychic who uses asparagus to see into the future has predicted that Prince Harry will return the UK next year, unaccompanied by wife Meghan. After throwing asparagus into the air, Jemima Packington, 64, the world’s only asparamancer, said: “What we have here, very interesting, is the letter H. We have two spears plus a crossbar here. I don’t see any M at all whatsoever. I see no letter M, but I do see letter H coming into the fold.”

My comment: It takes all sorts. I rather think that Epicurus was a cheerful, tolerant man, who would laugh and maybe pretend that an “asparamancer” had something useful to say, a sort of amateur philosopher. For myself I don’t much care where Harry and Meghan go, together or apart. And I am a pro-monarchist, for what it’s worth.