Yesterday I discussed the changing role of men in the Western world, and the background to male confusion in the face of feminism and feminibe assertiveness.

I believe Epicurus, were he alive today, would say that the problem was not really that great. What men should do is to abandon the idea of “women’s work” and “men’s work” and jointly do what needs to be done according to the simple notion of equality of effort and who has the better knowledge of any current topic. If this is not elegantly put, at least it should be obvious.

The problem is the desire to control that lurks in the undergrowth. Men, older ones anyway, have been brought up thinking of themselves as “leading” a marriage or a company. This is, of course, total nonsense. Why should men think they have a natural right to lead? Who got us into most of the wars of history? And why on earth should men insist on living shorter lives owing to constant, stressful decision-making? Seems daft to me, and, in search of ataraxia, it would have seemed daft to Epicurus as well.

Because women are slowly (too slowly?) reaching the top echelons in commerce and politics, it doesn’t necessarily mean they are not going to crash and burn. Women can be just as bullying, incompetent and devious as any man, and can mess up, too (think Hewlett Packard). They need a friend to consult, a shoulder to cry on and a reliable person to give advice. A man can offer a different perspective on a problem and can be a useful partner in the thinking department. Some men can be calm and analytical, good at sorting out agendas of others and the politics of a situation. Use these attributes to support a partner.

Thus the answer is not just equality of pay, but true equality of partnership, an equal effort and genuine wish to nurture and support.