Cambridgeshire: Punt chauffeurs in Cambridge were advised this year that they must deliver a safety briefing before every trip up the River Cam. Among other things, passengers should be told not to let their hands dangle in the water, and that amplified singing is banned. Large illustrated “safety information” stickers in the punts will reinforce the message.

Norfolk: Student union officials in Norwich stopped undergraduates wearing sombreros at a freshman’s fair because they deemed it offensive to Mexicans.

University of East Anglia students were handed the straw hats by a Tex-Mex restaurant that was running a stall at the fair. But union representatives quickly confiscated the hats, saying that non-Mexicans wearing them were guilty of “cultural appropriation”.

Hertfordshire: Britain’s oldest pub was urged to change its name. Ye Olde Fighting Cocks, in St Albans, was founded in the eighth century, and has had its current name since 1872. But the animal rights group Peta said it should now be changed, to “reflect today’s rejection of needless violence and help celebrate chickens as the intelligent, sensitive and social animals they are”. Peta associate director Mimi Bekhechi suggested, as a more suitable alternative, Ye Olde Clever Cocks.

Cornwall: At Bodmin Town Council meetings, the biscuits were reportedly being handed around with blown-up photocopies of their packaging, so that attendees could check their ingredients before tucking in. New rules, to make life easier for allergy sufferers, also insisted that if necessary, the list of ingredients be translated into other languages and offered as a “talking book”.

West Midlands: Delegates at the National Union of Students’ Women’s Conference in Solihull were asked to use “jazz hands” instead of clapping, because of reports that the sound of applause was “triggering anxiety” among some attendees. In a tweet, the union’s Women’s Campaign said whooping could also be “super inaccessible” – and urged delegates to “be mindful”.

Yorkshire: Inspectors marked down a Yorkshire care home because staff addressed residents as “love”, “darling” and the like. The Care Quality Commission described carers at the home in Harrogate as “very nice” – but said the terms of endearment could be regarded as “demeaning”.

Oxfordshire: An old red telephone box that residents of Banbury in the UK use as an informal library was scheduled for demolition – because British Telecom was concerned that the shelf installed to hold the books might fall down and hurt somebody. “We had a complaint about the wobbly shelving from a resident,” a BT spokesman said. “Imagine if we had ignored it and little Janet or John had been injured.”

I don’t know whether people are just spoiled or super-sensitive or whether authorities are being patronising, but we have managed without this silly stuff for 200,000 years or more, and perhaps we ought to grow up? For instance, Yorkshire men and women have been calling each other “love” and “darling” for five hundred years at least. If you really object to it, smile nicely and politely ask if they would use your name.Yes?