Why do we find rejection so upsetting? After all, it’s almost never life-threatening to be rejected. The reason lies in our interdependence.
Human beings need one another in order to thrive, particularly at the beginning of our lives. During that period of development the baby will die if there is no one there to look after it.. That’s why it feels so important to be approved of, to be liked and accepted by others.
But rejection, hurtful though it can be, can be helpful if you can make it work for you rather than distress you. It can actually help you create something even better. Indeed, in many fields if you want to succeed, rejection comes as part of the territory. The trick is not to take it seriously, but try to step back and see your project through the eyes of others, working out what was sub-par and how you can improve in future. James Dyson, who has invented new concepts of carpet cleaner, says, “Failure is the best medicine – as long as you learn something”.
Anders Ericsson, a professor at the University of Colorado, observed the practice habits of violin students in Berlin from the age of five until they reached adulthood. He found that the most powerful predictor of success, of whether students became “elite” violinists, was how many hours of practice they put in, how determined they were to improve. The author Malcolm Gladwell popularised this idea, which has become known as the “10,000-hour rule”, proposing that it takes approximately 10,000 hours of dedication, of being criticised and reacting constructively to that criticism, to succeed and achieve true excellence.
A rejection doesn’t mean you failed. It means you tried. Aside from this, I would suggest that human beings have never in history been so busy. With modern communication and travel being made so easy (but computers a constant pain), we hardly have a moment to stop and think. Getting the attention of the world with what you believe is a great invention or a striking piece of music, for instance, has never in history been so difficult. People are distracted, overwhelmed. So try and try again while you have the energy to do so. Yes, try again.
You’re right to point out that people have never been busier. But that’s exactly why feelings of rejection are more common nowadays. We spend so much time pursuing so many different activities, we are more likely to feel inadequate when we are rejected for not being as good at each one. Rather than fooling ourselves into believing we can do everything, we should concentrate on being accomplished at only one or two skills. We don’t have much time, and if it takes 10 000 hours to achieve excellence, we should focus on what is possible instead of setting ourselves unattainable targets, only to feel rejected when we inevitably fail. Above all, we should take breaks. If we’re not enjoying what we’re doing because we’re so consumed by it, then I would wager that it probably isn’t worth doing at all.