Praising children with low self-esteem can actually do them more harm than good. “Inflated praise can backfire with kids who seem to need it most,” according to psychologist Eddie Brummelman, of Ohio State University. For the study, 240 children were asked to copy Van Gogh’s Wild Roses, and were then given a note from a person identified as a professional artist. This either contained no praise, normal praise (“that’s good”) or inflated praise (“perfect”, “incredibly good”). Afterwards, when children were invited to choose which picture to copy next, those with low self-esteem who’d received inflated praise were more likely to choose the easiest option. “If you tell a child with low self-esteem that they did incredibly well, they may think they always need to do incredibly well,” said Dr Brummelman. “They may worry about meeting those high standards and decide not to take on any new challenges.” (from a report in The Independent).
Actually, what you should is to praise “effort”. It is trying that matters. Every child has different aptitudes – we can’t all be good at drawing. But if you reward effort and trying hard it will inspire the child to maybe try hard at everything. Epicurus would have been concerned at the attitude that says that every child should get AAA ratings for everything. If they get that treatment all the time, why try? This sad modern development gets even more harmful when it comes to giving A’s to every university student (e.g Harvard). How is an employer to have any faith in the system? And how can the student be confident that he or she is really smart, or is just getting an A in return for a huge sum of tuition money?
What Harvard and other academics don’t understand is that some businessmen, for instance, can be ambivalent about what looks like an excellent academic record. Is this guy too clever by half? Can he be controlled? Is he a potential threat to me? And so on.
In England a 1st Class Honours degree in, say Philosophy, Politics and Economics effectively restricts your career to government, law or teaching. The smart person can come across as too smart for his or her own good. Grade inflation helps nobody.
Among young parents, I’ve heard an expression that’s almost as ubiquitous as “have a nice day.” If judiciously used, the imprecise formulation has the virtue of encouraging accomplishment without necessarily misleading. Child finishes his morning porridge? “Good job!” A young one manages a decent report card? “Good job!” Epicurus develops a helpful philosophy? “Really good job!”