Good conversation

These days we communicate as much as possible through email and text. We justify this on the basis of efficiency. The idea seems to be that, since we can edit our messages, we can be more “ourselves” and make sure we say things “just right.” We now interact in the same manner face-to-face: we say something, and then sit back and wait for the response. We utter statements and talk around each other, rather than with each other.  Actually, we  mostly talk about ourselves.

This makes conversation more superficial, shriveling our empathy and feeling of connection — we increasingly fail to hear each other’s voices, read each other’s body language, or see each other’s facial expressions. We not only lose out on insights into the lives of others, but into our own as well.
Good conversation should be allowed time and space for thought, for lulls, for repetition and elucidation. It should be allowed to stop and start, without interruptions and with cellphones firmly turned off.  In a conversation we should be all attention,  actively listening to one’s companions.

Many  people today shy away from talking with those they disagree with. They don’t like conflict, or having their beliefs challenged,  prefering to interact with people who confirm their preconceived notions.  But some of the best conversations are civil debates on important ideas and issues. By engaging with those with whom we disagree, we end up growing and examining our own ideas more closely, even if we don’t ultimately change our minds.  This is particularly a problem in the United States, where the two political tribes seldom converse with one another (I am ashamed to say I am guilty of this as well.  Ed.)

Some of the most memorable moments of our lives revolve around our conversations: the conversation you had with your girlfriend when you both realized you were falling in love; the conversation you had with a mentor who helped crystallize what  areer to pursue; the conversation you had with your daughter when you realized she had truly become an adult.

Epicurus knew that face-to-face conversations could  be entertaining, edifying, and satisfying, opportunities for both learning and mentorship, helping people to discover things about others, and about themselves.  Conversations could spark transformative realizations, even revelations. He spent hours in his famous garden holding conversations with all manner of people, educating himself about human nature and honing his ideas.  He was arguably the greatest conversationalist of ancient times.  We should try to emulate him.  (inspired by “Reclaiming Conversation”, by MIT professor Sherry Turkle, some of whose language I have used for this posting)

Best of the Week #8 London special

After last Monday’s lengthy post on British politics, I promised I would talk about other matters more. Today I endeavour to do just that, though whether I can keep it up is another matter entirely. Warning: I’ve tried to write more briefly, but yet again I’ve totally failed.

As with last week’s post, I wanted to analyse just one piece in today’s Best of the Week. It comes from Rod Liddle, who I rarely agree with, particularly on Brexit. But today he presents an acerbic critique of London. https://www.spectator.co.uk/2017/06/if-youre-not-tired-of-london-youre-tired-of-life/ This was shortly followed by a critique of the green belt- the countryside surrounding London. https://blogs.spectator.co.uk/2017/07/welcome-to-the-green-belt-a-safe-space-for-lily-livered-londoners/

First, a bit of context. Over the past twenty years, London has expanded in size considerably. The financial deregulation of the late Eighties led to an increase in the number of well-paid jobs in the city, particularly in the otherwise deprived East End. Not only has this attracted migrants from less fortunate parts of Britain, it has also attracted people from all around the world. While London has long been a favourable destination for migrants, this trend has accelerated considerably in recent years. For the first time ever, the UK 2011 census found that the proportion of Londoners who identify as ‘White British’ was actually less than half. (Whites are still about 60% due to EU migration.)

The cause of such a profound demographic transformation is not just immigrants moving into London, it is British people choosing to leave. Very often, ex-Londoners will say things like, ‘I want better schools for my children,’ or ‘I like the countryside,’ or ‘London has become too expensive.’ Now those things are certainly true, but they aren’t entirely true. For instance, contrary to popular belief, London’s schools are actually amongst the best in the country, even for poor people. The city’s crime rate has declined, as has its levels of poverty. So economic factors alone cannot explain British Londoners choosing to leave the city in such large numbers.

For social conservatives like Liddle, London’s economic situation is part of the problem, but it is not the only problem. Liddle’s critique of London’s economy is that it is too unequal, even if the city as a whole is wealthy. He accurately points out that there are a large number of people working for very low wages, faced with high housing costs and long hours. Even in wealthy Kensington and Chelsea, the poverty rate actually exceeds the national average. On the other hand, you have a privileged upper-middle class who benefit from the city’s abundance of cheap labour, allowing them to hire nannies and workmen for a pittance. Moreover, there is a cruel racial dimension to this inequality, much like in America. The wealthy who benefit from inequality are mostly white, except for a few Arab oligarchs. The poor who work for them are mostly black or Asian. The Grenfell Tower fire was only a recent example of how London’s non-whites are often neglected.

But although Liddle sympathises with the plight of London’s ethnic minorities, he is also critical of the city’s multiculturalism, and of the politicians that allow them to migrate there in such large numbers. Liberal policymakers are responsible for homegrown terrorism, politically correct councils and ethnic segregation. None of these problems may affect those rich enough to isolate themselves from them, but for ordinary middle class people, they make life worse. The left is meant to be in favour of curbing excess wealth. Yet by supporting mass immigration, it has made inequality worse.

Which brings us on to the green belt. For Liddle, the green belt is for those honest enough to admit that London’s PC zealotry, vast inequality and social division have got totally out of hand. But they still want the economic benefits of living in the capital- having their cake and eating it. He views this as unsustainable, leading to an ever-larger urban sprawl where London will relentlessly expand. Much like with his views on the EU, he believes people should leave it properly, not pretend there is anything to salvage from it,

I most disagree with Liddle on all of this. His assessment of London as an economically unequal and socially segregated city is indisputable. What he fails to mention is that this is true of nearly all globalised cities. New York, Los Angeles, Paris, Berlin- are all exactly the same. It is in the nature of large cities to be divided. Their economic clout and cultural amenities attract the wealthy, while the abundance of low-paying jobs and availability of public transport attract the poor. It is the middle class, who are too rich to quality for social housing but too poor to live in the nice neighbourhoods, that find themselves pushed out.

More importantly, Liddle fails to make the comprehensive case for economic equality and cultural homogeneity as inherent virtues. London may be an economically unequal city, but it is also by far the most socially mobile place in Britain, according to both the government and the Sutton Trust. London’s poor have a much greater chance of becoming rich, partly because the education system is so much better. Surely, social mobility is more important than equality, particularly compared to rural areas where everyone is equally poor. Equally, London’s inequality in close proximity may be preferable to other countries, where rich and poor live in totally different areas.

Liddle may not say so explicitly in these articles, but he doesn’t approve of multiculturalism, not just mass immigration’s effects on inequality and security. He would rather live in a town that is mostly white British, in a similar way to how many black people would rather live in a town with a higher black population. There’s nothing inherently wrong with wanting that, as long as you are honest enough to admit that that is what you want, which Liddle isn’t. But London’s multiculturalism isn’t making it unliveable. People of different backgrounds are actually more likely to get on in London, compared with other British cities with a higher white population, particularly those in the North. On the whole, I can imagine that living in a city of contrasts is actually very exciting, even if it poses its challenges.

Finally, the green belt, where I have lived for my whole life before going to university. Liddle seems to believe that it is full of middle class ex-Londoners, who are very politically correct, liberal and unfriendly. Actually, the opposite is the case. Many green belt inhabitants left London for the same reasons as why Liddle disapproves of it: they don’t like economic inequality and multiculturalism. The green belt is far more conservative than London, with a lot of it supporting Leave in the EU referendum. The desire for London’s economic benefits is more one of necessity than choice; many people don’t like working in London but can’t find as good a job elsewhere. While urban sprawl is an issue, the green belt actually has amongst the lowest rates of house building in the country. I also strongly disapprove of referring to the green belt as a homogenous entity. It is divided between distinctly average New Towns like Crawley (where I lived) and Harlow, working class multicultural towns like Slough and Luton, middle class towns like Guildford and Tunbridge Wells, and upper class towns like Beaconsfield and Esher.

Pared-back living and the modern male

I uneasily venture into a realm that seems utterly foreign to me…….

An essay in Toronto Life by a 31-year-old named “Tony” who earns $130,000 a year, lives at home with his parents and proudly forgoes material possessions in order to spend his money on “wild, rare, unforgettable experiences”. His boasts about drinking fine wines and patronising “the rooftop restaurant featured in The Hangover Part II” are insufferable, but what makes it worse is the trite assumption that, by valuing experiences over “stuff”, he’s living a more meaningful existence. This has become “our era’s reigning banality”. It’s true, of course, that eating a meal with a loved one is “more spiritually uplifting than ordering shoes online”. But overweening pride in non-ownership grates when it comes from people who are cadging off others.

There’s “something subtly sexist” about modern celebrations of pared-back living, too. For men, it always seems to be about fulfilling dreams and not being “tied down”, whereas for women it always seems to be about achieving Zen-like calm by decluttering the home. Or as the writer Ruth Whippman recently put it, while men are conditioned to “see their happiness in terms of adventure and travel, sex and ideas and long nights of hilarity, women are now encouraged to find deep fulfilment in staying home to origami our pants”. (Phoebe Maltz Bovy, New Republic, published in The Week)

The men seem selfish to me, but maybe I am just out of date.  I do perceive a somewhat general preoccupation with the self.  Life seems to be all about “Me, Me, Me”.  All too often one can get through an evening asking questions of the person next to you, and realising on the way home that he or she had asked not a single question about you and  left not knowing a single thing about you, except possibly your first name.  This modern style of social interraction was once explained thus: “I thought that if you had something to say about yourself you would interrupt me and tell me what it is”.   Epicurus would be appalled.   Certainly it is charmless.  I personally would simply use an old Saxon word – rude.  My father once told me, ” If you want to charm somebody, ask questions about them, their lives, their likes, their dislikes and their views on just about anything”.  Good advice.

Are the English anti-Irish again?

Teresa May’s pay-off of  the Democratic Unionist Party  in Northern Ireland, in return for support for the deeply dovided and non- functional Conservatives in parliament, is not popular anywhere, and there are claims that it is stirring up old anti- Irish prejudices.

One thing I learned when I was doing consulting in Northern Ireland was that there are two Northern Irelands – the businessmen and the educated people, whose attitudes you couldn’t tell apart from their Southern opposite numbers (or anywhere else in Europe) and the people still living in the 17 Century. I also became aware of the chip that a lot of people there have on their shoulders. They think they are looked down upon by Brits, which is not true. There is no anti-Irish feeling left in England, just irritation about the silly amount of money being paid to NI at the expense of the National Health Service and other claimants.

The DUP are opposed to same- sex marriage and abortion and are tied up with the Orange Order, which deliberately provokes Catholics. Ordinary Irish citizens are as impatient with these old divides as are most English people. Indeed, they look forward to an influx of new jobs with companies fleeing a Britain soon (?) to be outside the EU.

Every year the media focus on the Apprentice Boy marches and the bowler hats and the old- fashioned prejudices (on both sides of the religious divide), and this gives NI a bad image, but if there is prejudice it is against the antidiluvian religion, not against the Irish per se. I do think there are a lot of people who, before the NI agreement that Clinton helped get, dearly wished NI could by carved off and floated away to a spot just south of Greenland. But then it was Cromwell and King Billy who caused the problem in the first place, so one somehow has to live with the tribal stuff.

(Provoked by an article by Gen Patterson, Irish Times, 28 June 2017 claiming that the English were becoming anti- Irish again)

 

Things we can agree on about climate change

From Iain Climie, Whitchurch, Hampshire, UK

The simplest retort to climate change sceptics is that many actions that are vital if global warming is occurring make sense anyway (24 June, p 28). Restoring fish stocks, habitat conservation with careful exploitation, and alternatives to fossil fuels make sense regardless of the extent, nature and origin of climate change. Reducing waste may be the simplest approach of all.
The UK’s Institute of Mechanical Engineers reported in 2013 that at least 30 per cent of global production fails to reach markets or shops; and it is wasteful to use human food for livestock feed or biofuels. Can dealing with these obvious concerns really be seen as anti-business or even irreligious, even though the inability of conventional free markets to cope sensibly with gluts still has to be addressed?
A few years ago, a colleague queried whether human activities could really be so significant. I mentioned the points above and he replied “But that’s a win-win; I’m happy to support that.” (New Scientist, 15 July 2017)

These are good points, hard to oppose unless you are a paid-up sociopath.  All the same I do think the climate change deniers should be encouraged to answer the obvious question (which they duck or ignore, because there is no answer that doesn’t undermine their position):

“What, after 200 years of industrialisation and burning massive quantities of coal and oil, do you think happens to all the gunk we put into our thin atmosphere?  Does it just disappear by magic?  Has it gone to the Moon?” I haven’t seen a single answer to this question.  You don’t have to be a scientist to see that the spent particles must alter the composition of the air and the atmosphere. Meanwhile, we cut down the very forests that extract the carbon from the air.  Smart?