“People get tired of living in a society filled with the sharp corners of incivility.
“What is different this time is that the challenge to manners is coming from the right — not from the “free speech movement” but from brushfire populism. The standards and values of reality television — the exaggerated feuds, the personal vilification and the deleted expletives — have invaded the political realm. And it is a form of social decay.
“It is good manners that allow citizens to argue without coming to blows, and even to find productive compromise. Manners are practical rules for living together. Good manners involve an affirmation that we, all of us, are part of the same community, and that everyone is due a certain minimal amount of respect. Poor manners, in contrast, can indicate the dehumanization of individuals and groups. The boor is often the bigot.
“Good manners denote respect for the individual, regardless of his or her origin. They’re about helping strangers, judging people on their qualities rather than on their backgrounds. These are principles that assure the dignity of the individual and help to keep society nonhierarchical.
“Good manners create a livable community without recourse to laws and regulations. They create ties among citizens that are not based on compulsion. When we stand in a stadium with our hand over our hearts, or refrain from using bad language in front of children on the subway, or disagree about politics without becoming personal and vicious, we add a few invisible strands that hold our community and democracy together. In most everyday circumstances, manners matter more than laws.
“This is a social contract. We treat people with respect in the hope and expectation we will be treated with respect. And people who demand respect without showing it are properly viewed as narcissists or sociopaths.
“Those who equate crudeness and cruelty with authenticity are doing a nasty disservice to their country, making it that much harder to live together. Those who want to serve their country should mind their manners.” (Michael Gerson, Washington Post)
Michael Gerson, a right-leaning journalist on the Washington Post, was referring obliquely to Trump and his disagreeable election campaign. But no Epicuren would quarrel with his take on manners, and no further comment is needed. What we need is better manners.
Well, another tiny comment: TEACHING good manners is a serious occupation and it has to begin long before entry into the political arena. Human beings, it seems to me, are not born with manners–to quote Rodgers & Hammerstein: “You’ve got to be taught,” long before the ratty world of the media degrades human communication.
Correct me if I’m wrong, but it seems like Americans have become less well-mannered in recent years. You mention this year’s election campaign. Trump and his Republican ilk have behaved with such bad manners- behaviour that would not have been acceptable in previous elections. I have no idea why this is, but a decline in civility is a definite sign of a society in regression.
You are quite right. Good mannners are predicated on respecting others and, like good Epicureans, wanting to get on with people in general. The ultimate in bad manners is the idea of carrying loaded guns around in public ( in community colleges, churches etc). You might think this is a sign of mental derangement or paranoia, but among Republicans in general and Southern Republicans in particular, it it thought normal. In other words no one trusts anyone else any more. Great society, eh?