We traditionally talk about the ‘seven-year itch’, but according to a new study, it’s at ten years that relationships start to really suffer. Researchers gathered 2,000 women who were born in the 1950s and 1960s, and had married in their mid 20s, and quizzed them at intervals over 35 years. Participants were asked, for instance, how happy they were, how often they and their husband laughed together, and also what they argued about. The results suggest that in almost all cases, happiness starts to decline almost as soon as the honeymoon is over. Problems reach a peak at ten years to 15 years, possibly owing to the responsibilities of family life. But if couples soldier on for a few more years (by which time children are more independent), the conflict levels start to drop off, and by 35 years, some report being as happy, or even happier than they were at the beginning. (from The Independent).

I think a key to a happy marriage is respect: love finds it hard to survive if there is no mutual respect for the judgment and common sense of your spouse. Secondly, you both have to really want to have and enjoy children; the teenage years can be a particular trial. Thirdly, you have to have interests, attitudes and activities in common. A passion for shopping is better than no passion at all! This may presuppose similarities in education and background. We all change in time, given stress and work, but an ability to continue learning and to adapt makes a big difference. Many couples drift apart because one partner grows as an individual, while the other does not. Then you have to have, and share, a similar sense of humour. Lastly, there has to be equal effort (husbands who pull their weight at home!). In other words, it is not about the length of marriage; it’s about true compatibility and a deep level of friendship. The cleverest person can trip up on looks and physical attraction, which are only part of the equation.