It seems fashionable to go for what you want and not “waste time” with old-fashioned things, like acknowledging the efforts and kindnesses of others.

We live in a crowded world where getting on together increases in importance as the sheer number of people you have to deal with in life continues to grow. Manners were designed centuries ago to help grease the wheels of business, friendship and relationships, and while they change with the times their intent is to make life more pleasant for everyone. They are not habits designed by old buffers who want to waste your time, but pleasant ways of charming and boosting the happiness and self-image of those you deal with.

On a purely selfish, practical level it surely pays to thank somebody a for a favour, to send a message of gratitude to a hostess, or to engage with a new acquaintance instead of talking solely about oneself.

Over the last decade or so non-engagement has become a plague. You can sit all evening next to someone, asking them about themselves and at the end of the evening be certain that your nigh our knows absolutely nothing about you, and maybe not even your name. The answer given (apparently) is “if you want the other person to know about you, just tell them. Don’t wait to be asked”.

This attitude is downright rude, even sociopathic. A civilised person asks questions, shows an interest in other people, learns things, charms them. He doesn’t sit there like the ultimate egoist talking about himself.

An Epicurean is a gentleman. He will hold a door open for anyone following him . He will take an equal share of household chores. He will make sure that what he wants from someone is convenient for them and doable. He will not queue-barge or cut people up on the road…….. But I could go on for hours. The point is that a good Epicurean thinks of the pleasure and convenience of others. If he doesn’t, he is no Epicurean.

(“Manners maketh man” was coined by William of Wykeham (1324-1404), bishop of Winchester and chancellor of England, and founder of Winchester College and New College, Oxford and is still the motto of those institutions. A useful reminder to the students).