For non-British readers: where Americans talk about going to the “mens room”, the British talk about “spending a penny”, because that’s what it used to cost in public facilities.

Today I had to phone the Inland Revenue (the British equivalent of the IRS). After the usual long wait on the line, during which I made a green pea soup and read a complete copy of The Economist, onto the other end of the line came a computer voice. “What are you phoning about?” “I just want to know whether my tax return was received. I sent it in June”. ” I do not understand your request. I repeat – what are you phoning about?”. “Tax return received?” Back came another “I didn’t understand that. What are you phoning about?”. No amount of re-phrasing and simplification would get me past the pesky machine. Clearly, this was a clever way of keeping the public at bay while the staff finished texting their girlfriends and completing their Facebook entries. Then I had a brainwave. “I want to spend a penny”, I replied. I was immediately put through to a helpful and efficient member of staff. Big organizations appreciate people wanting to spend their money.