Attentive readers will recall the question I was asked about telling the truth: “Was there any point in your life when you told people what they wanted to hear instead of what it was really like? And if so, do you now regret it?”

I would like to briefly discuss the second aspect  of the question:  telling people what you think they want to hear in order to avoid hurting their feelings and to keep your relationship with them on an even keel.

Life  is too short going around offending people unnecessarily. Most kind people find a way of being diplomatic, and a good Epicurean will always want to be thoughtful and find positive and supportive things to say.  There can be is a point where diplomacy and a desire not to hurt people’s feelings, can sound insincere.  Judgment is all.

Yes, I have told people what I thought they wanted to know, certainly. I hope I was being diplomatic and kind. For instance, an acquaintance was an artist whose early paintings were beautiful. But later she changed her technique.  I wanted to put aside my strong dislike of her new work and find good things to say . I praised what I could honestly praise (what a lot of work you’ve put into this. I love your use of colour. You have a natural feeling for composition), but didn’t buy anything. I hope I extracted myself without offending her. I don’t regret that at all. There is a kind way to say things, and there is an unkind way.

An Epicurean principle is  “do no harm”, and imagine yourself in the other people’s shoes, treating them as you wish to be treated yourself.  In other words, empathize.