How should we view the teachings of Epicurus with regard to romantic love?
Epicurus was not the only ancient Greek, philosopher or not, who regarded romance between men and women as potentially either overwhelming or excruciatingly painful – and all points in between – thus detracting from peace of mind. Epicurus himself had nothing against pleasure, of course, but like many Greeks of his day the idea of marrying for love was strange. You married to have children. Romantic love came along much later in Western history. If you fell in love it could be a roller-coaster ride between ecstasy and exquisite happiness on the one hand, and disappointment and the agony of loss on the other. It was just too disruptive, took over your life, could involve jealousy, misunderstandings and furious argument.
The Greeks were, and still are, a very laid back lot. It seems to be in their genes. Life has always been tough in a land with few resources but plenty of sunshine. It is no accident that the idea of peace of mind took root there. It would be better, they thought, to have male friends who ( might?) provoke argument, but less passion. The warnings from Epicurus to avoid politics arose for the same reasons as his warning against passionate love.
Different times, different cultures. As a supporter of Epicurus I recognise the dangers of extreme, and sometimes blinding, emotions, but I have reservations about his views on love and politics. Both are part of the human experience., and loving another human being is a wonderful thing.
You’re absolutely right as usual- the laid back approach to life is best, whether it’s with friendships or romantic relationships. Anyone who causes you to be stressed, anxious or simply put under pressure probably isn’t worth your time, even if you love them. The ideal of continuing to pursue a romantic relationship and marriage at all costs is seriously misguided in my view. Better to be happily unmarried or divorced than unhappily married.
I don’t share Epicurus’ blanket generalisation of romantic endeavours as a source of misery. But equally, romance doesn’t necessarily lead to fulfilment. The pursuit of happiness should always take precedence over the pursuit of love. Only when it becomes plain that former involves the latter, should a romantic relationship be considered.