How should we view the teachings of Epicurus with regard to romantic love?

Epicurus was not the only ancient Greek, philosopher or not, who regarded romance between men and women as potentially either overwhelming or excruciatingly painful – and all points in between – thus detracting from peace of mind.  Epicurus himself had nothing against pleasure, of course, but like many Greeks of his day the idea of marrying for love was strange.  You married to have children. Romantic love (as a literary and cultural norm) came along much later in Western history, some say starting with the troubadours at the time of the Crusades.  If you fell in love it could be a roller-coaster ride between ecstasy and exquisite happiness on the one hand, and disappointment and the agony of loss on the other.  It was just too disruptive, took over your life, could involve jealousy, misunderstandings and furious argument.

The Greeks were, and still are, a very laid back lot.  It seems to be in their genes.  Life has always been tough in a land with few resources but plenty of sunshine, where lunch takes all afternoon.  It is no accident that the idea of peace of mind took root there.  Presuming you were not a homosexual it would be better, they thought, to have male friends who (might?) provoke argument, but less passion.  The warnings from Epicurus to avoid politics arose for the same reasons as his warning against passionate love.

Different times, different cultures.  As a supporter of Epicurus I recognise the dangers of extreme, and sometimes blinding, emotions, but I have reservations about his views on love and politics.  Both are part of the human experience, and it is difficult to ignore them.

So am I being disloyal to Epicurus?  You can feel free to reject some aspects of the teachings of gurus and philosophers of the past.  They, like us, are products of their time and their geography.  They are just smarter than  us, which is why we remember them and subscribe to most of what they say.

So let me take another arrow out of Epicurus’s quiver nonetheless:  be moderate in all you do, but don’t forego the beauty and joy of romance and love.  Just use your head as well as your heart. Enjoy yourself!