Milton said that “a meet and happy conversation is the chief and noblest end of marriage,” by which he meant that physical love is all well and good but true marriage is a meeting of the minds. He knew whereof he spoke because after he married his attractive young wife he discovered that she was incapable of having a sustained conversation about anything at all (or so he claimed). Although he does not say so this was the price they paid in those days for educating only boys (if anyone was educated at all), so his impatience with her is unattractive. What did he expect?
In the course of marriage people grow and change. If one partner grows intellectually and the other does not, the situation is worse than if one partner grows less interested in sex. Epicurus would have seconded that thought, although one might guess that his interest in the opposite gender was typical of the age and country in which he lived. It is probably true to say that it takes a decade or three for a man to realize that companionship, a meeting of the minds, and similar interests are more important than only a pretty face.
I’m only eighteen, but I think I understand that a wife’s intellectual capacity is more important than her sexual desire. The last relationship I had turned out to be an absolute disaster because we had nothing in common, even if she was quite pretty. In my experience, women understand this better than men, which was why she dumped me and not the other way around.
This is not to say that your husband or wife’s views ought to be similar to your own. I find it very interesting talking to people who see the world a totally different way. But they ought to be able to engage with the issues that command your strongest feelings. For many people, that will be a hobby or pastime. But for me and most of my friends, that means at least some academic similarities.
“It is probably true to say that it takes a decade or three for a man to realize that companionship, a meeting of the minds, and similar interests are more important than only a pretty face.”
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Agree completely and it’s as true for a woman as regards a handsome man. Fortunately, this is not an either-or aspect of life because it’s possible to conduct good conversation and have a good romp, they’re not mutually exclusive.