The US government is compiling dossiers on regular travellers, including the contents of their luggage. An investigative tool, the Department of Homeland Security calls it.

I am, regrettably, a regular traveller to that nest of Islamists, Britain. In the interests of full disclosure, let me list some of the items I invariably travel with, so that patriots don’t have to waste time opening up my suitcases and inspecting my toothpaste:

Copies of the last three months of Playboy
A Glock sub-machine gun
A bottle of Washington DC tap water (you can’t be too careful in these Islamist countries)
An Arabic head-dress as worn in Saudi Arabia
A list of all the really hot porno websites
A suspicious list of addresses in Amsterdam connected with a substance illegal in the USA .

This site is intermittently checked by the security services. Hi, fellers!