Some while ago a young lady wrote to this blog with a very open and honest request for advice about making friends.  She was clearly having a problem finding, and keeping. a friend of the opposite sex.  Since this is a constant theme throughout the generations I thought I would repeat my reply to her:

When I was young I yearned to have a girlfriend (preferably a pretty blonde one, typically male!). Almost anyone who was good- looking would have been a thrill. But I struggled, and watched the cool guys with the straggly beards and the unkempt hair, the fellows who never turned up on time and appeared not to care less, having  all the success.

One day someone said to me, “You try too hard. And maybe you’re trying with the wrong people, too”.   I thought about this, and tried to adopt a more casual, take-it-or-leave it attitude. I abandoned the flighty types and tried to find people with a sense of humour, with whom I could have intelligent conversations, people with whom I had something in common and have a good laugh with. Suddenly, things picked up.

My advice to Melanie was: Relax. Step back. At least pretend not to care. Give people space; if you don’t, they will retreat as you advance. And what can be most difficult for many people – lighten up and don’t be intense (I had no reason to think she was, but just in case the cap fitted…)