A Chinese city has recently created a pedestrian lane on a sidewalk for those who can’t leave their cellphones alone for long enough to avoid bumping into an old lady.

This is great news and points up the fact that the Chinese are not only innovative but thoughtful of ordinary pedestrians.

But very quickly this new idea will, I believe, fail owing to the ubiquity of cellphones, and the lanes given over to ordinary users will be deserted. Who will want to be seen using the old fashioned lane?

Already 50,678 cellphone users have tripped over other cellphone users or holes in the ground in Shanghai, causing the government to have to build a new hospital for “street accidents” involving two or more texters or yackers (pronounced in Chinese “tec  sters  and yak ers”. Fifty seven little old ladies have been mown down by oblivious men completely unaware of anyone else, and 147,678 cellphone have been knocked out of people’s hands in the street as they were searching for a function.

My wife has recently acquired the latest Samsung Galaxy S5, and it took exactly 24 hours before she was sitting in bed experimenting with it, head down, not hearing a single thing I said.

I’m glad I am an Epicurean and can deal with all this calmly, with a smile on my face.*

* A joke