Last November, in the Russian region of Kabardino-Balkaria, a man called Yusuf Alchagirov was approached by a hostile bear. Alchagirov kicked and headbutted the bear and knocked it off balance. The bear, in response, picked him up and threw him over a cliff, then sauntered away. Alchagirov survived, but with bruises, 4 broken ribs, and bite wounds.

Mr. Alchgirov was lucky, but had he dealt with the bear in the proper way he would have avoided being thrown off a cliff. Regrettably, my prescription for dealing with grumpy bears has not apparently been translated into Kabardino-Balkarian.

What you do is stare fixedly at the bear, straight into the eyes. This disconcerts the bear. You then point your two forefingers at the bear’s eyes, mesmerizing him. Slowly lower your arm until the bear is on all fours. At this point you will seem bigger and more threatening than you really are, and the bear will pretend he never saw you and walk away.

(This advice arises out of an incident when I was confronted by a very big and disagreeable bear in the Rocky Mountains, standing upright on his two back legs. He had just come out of hibernation and was hungry. He came towards me, licking his lips. I stood stock still and used the staring-two finger technique. He saw that I meant business and trundled over to the river and swam away. Some people,re-telling this story, have claimed that the bear was over 8 feet tall. This is an exaggeration)