The ancient Greeks regarded Eros as dangerous. He represented the idea of sexual passion, a fiery, irrational form of love that took hold of you and possessed you. By inference this love could not be maintained over a long period. It involved a loss of control that frightened the Greeks, but for us today this form of love is what all too many people look for in a relationship, believing that falling madly in love is the hallmark of a lasting relationship. On top of this, the obsession, stoked by movies and magazines, with finding a magical soulmate can cause immense personal anxiety and disappointment to too many people.

The Greeks had another word, “pragma”, or mature love, which referred to the deep friendship and understanding of long-married couples, a mutual respect and dependency based on trust. Pragma required you to compromise where necessary, show patience and commitment and reflect on what it might be like should you lose your partner through accident or death. This built deep mutual appreciation. It also required you to make an equal effort to that of your spouse, to share responsibilities and to experience the joy of giving rather than receiving. This is the sort of love that maybe few people ever experience, but that young people entering marriage should understand and work towards.

Three cheers for pragma!