On November 16th the New York Times carried an article about people who are allowed to bring a dog with them on a flight, provided they are certified by a mental health professional as needing the pet for “emotional support”. Under Federal anti-discrimination law the airline has to allot a free seat to the pet, usually a dog or cat, but presumably a boa constrictor would also qualify. Applications should be couched thus:
To American Airlines:
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am of a very nervous disposition owing to traffic noise, gun ownership and too many cupcakes. My mental health professionalism very concerned about my fear of flying and excessive sugar consumption, and has certified that I qualify under the Federal Anti-Discrimination Act for emotional support during any American Airlines flight.
I therefore applying for a free seat for my wife on Flight 202 between Miami and Washington DC on November 23rd. I enclose enough money for my own ticket.
Last night my wife and went to a restaurant and got talking to the chef and the maître d. I mentioned the business of the “emotional support” dogs, and got quite a surprise. It seems that this is no joke. People are coming into the restaurant with their dogs and their dog beds, waving a certificate ( apparently easily obtained from a GP for an undisclosed sum). The dogs sometimes wander about, getting in the way of the servers. Small children wander over to pat the dog while waitresses nearly trip over them. The “emotionally frail” customer demands water for the dog, which is sometimes moulting. Other diners might want to complain that they have an allergy to dog hair, but, faced with a certificate, there is nothing they can do. Our chef and maître d. are not allowed to refuse to serve the dog owner, who naturally thinks the dog in question is the most wonderful dog since Lassie.
What on earth is the world coming to? For several million years human beings have left their dogs at home to guard it, even if it was a cave. Epicurus loved his food and good company. He would think, first and foremost, about other people, paying for their meals.