Letter to the New Scientist from Laura Re:
“Your article on having kids does not take into account one crucial factor contributing to happiness: fitting in with your peers. My grandmother, talking about the war, used to say: we were poor but it didn’t matter, because everybody else was. My aunt once stated that she eventually decided to get married because all her friends had. That’s not mere copycat behaviour: it expresses the need to share similar lifestyles to avoid being left out.
I would guess that the reason people over 40 are the happiest, because most of their friends have families. No one wants to be the odd one out”. (Laura Re, Parma, Italy)
Or they must want to conform? Getting married or having a child just because all around you are doing the same thing seems pathetic to me. I really wanted to have children; it never occurred to me that I was following my leader and conforming. I thought I might be able to do a good job as a caring father, and that, in due course I could be instrumental in producing decent, educated, civilised human beings – and have a happy family life into the bargain.
What happened to thinking for yourself? Also, what happened to the view that, if you have a demanding job, but your spouse is unlikely to help with child- rearing, then it is rational (and kind to unborn children) not to have children that you feel you cannot look after well. Copycat conception without thinking why you want children, how you can afford them, and if you even like little kids at all if it comes to that, borders on the irresponsible. We are not sheep. We have a choice these days.
It depresses me to say that you’re probably right: people have children to fit in. Personally I have no wish to have children, even in the long term. I don’t care if all my friends do. I don’t enjoy the company of children, nor do I see it as a religious or moral responsibility. I think the world (and south east England in particular) has far too many people, we could do with less conformism and more childless families. If you look at the world, it is the developed and civilised countries that have the fewest children: Italy, Germany, Spain, Japan, South Korea and other such places all enjoy low birthrates and the universality of family planning. Conversely, impoverished countries such as Niger and Uganda are burdened by having such a large number of children- all of whom ought to be educated, but the countries in question can’t afford to do so, forcing up rates of child labour. I think the mantra ‘Go forth and multiply’ had its day many decades ago. It’s time to rein the madness in. In particular, women ought to he liberated from the burdens of motherhood, allowing them the full benefits of a proper career their male counterparts have long enjoyed.
Very well said. I have two sons and am happy I have, but given the state of the world now, and knowing what i know now, I am sure I wouldn’t be having children. Some people point to the huge numbers of young children in England (let alone Africa etc) and say it points to the resilience and positiveness of the human spirit (a.k.a something will crop up). Actually, if you have any imagination i believe you are dooming them to a very fraught life, even if some of the problems will be solvedby technologies yet to be invented. You are quite right – there are too many people on this planet, too few jobs , too little water, and probably in 50 years time, too little food. don’t listen to the future pleas of your parents about grandparents!