The agony aunt column in the Washington Post ( January17th), carried a letter from a woman in graduate school to Carolyn Hax, the editor. She and her husband had recently married in a small civil ceremony, owing to lack of money. The young woman’s grandparents, felt that the couple was “living in sin” and refused to talk to them or have anything to do with them. The parents did not intervene to resolve the situation. Carolyn Hax’s take on the situation was that the new bride should concentrate upon her own reaction, not that of her grandparents, and on the reasons why she couldn’t stand up for herself. “Are you conflict- avoidant in general?”
But where is love? Where is joy for the grand-daughter who has found the right person? These grandparents are clearly ardent christians, maybe born-again. How can you totally shun your own grand-daughter, and not even have the sense and courtesy to explain to her where they are coming from and hear her reasons for an economy wedding. These are not christians, and have no business judging anyone, least of all their own kin. Shame upon them!
My parents believe that any Christian who marries a non-Christian is living in sin. But I can’t imagine them choosing not to associate themselves with my sister if she (a Christian) were to marry a non-Christian, because they love her too much. Cutting yourselves off from your children is wrong, I think my parents recognise that.
Having said that, parents have a right to disapprove of their children’s marriages, and the right not to attend weddings or give financial support as a result. I’m very lucky in that my parents are happily married, but many of my friends’ lives have been ruined by unhappy marriages. Better not to marry at all.
I think Epicurus was right about the dangers of romantic relationships. I wouldn’t go as far as to say they are categorically wrong. But unless you are sure that your significant other is trustworthy and good-natured, better to err on the side of caution, at least in my experience.